Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"'I was adopted because I have _____________'"

How many times have we adoptees filled in the blank about why, oh why, oh why we were given up?

Finally, some good news:

I just read this little article at the Adoptive Families Magazine website in which a social worker explains that it's important that adopted children get to make their own "lifebook" or scrapbook so they can express their feelings and ideas about being adopted and so that their adoptive parents can witness those feelings and ideas.

Let me just say: we have come a long way, baby. Doing something like this was so far off anyone's radar screen when I was a little adopted kid. I wish I had been guided as a child to express some of the fear, confusion, and guilt I felt as an adoptee. Instead those feelings had nowhere to go and so instead they got stuffed away somewhere and have been seeping out for decades in everything I've written and all over every relationship I've been in.

So, kudos to you, social workers who encourage adoptive parents help their their adopted children do this emotional work, kudos to the parents who have the guts to do it, and most of all, blessings on the forthcoming generations of adoptees who may grow up with the ability to name, expose, and dissipate the shame, guilt, and fear associated with being adopted.

4 comments:

Von said...

Just hope the adoptees really get the right support to help them through.As a kid you're so vulnerable and powerless anyway.When you choose to do your work as an adult you have more choice and say.
I think we all need to do our lifestory books, child or adult!

JBH said...

Nice! I agree - Kudos!

daisy said...

I'm glad/heartened to see you are "back"? You know, (I know you know) doing the hard labor of figuring out all this adoption shit is exhausting. There is a group of us that meet semi-unregularly here in NYC. A lot of artists, writers, actors, etc. An F-troop of adoptees. Not sure just how close/far you are but do please consider a long weekend in tha big apple sometime, perhaps? Would love to meet you.

daisy

http://www.meetup.com/adoptees-40/boards/view/viewthread?thread=10007822

Andrea said...

Hey, Daisy:
I was just thinking about you the other day, wondering if you'd ever visit my blog again, and--wow--here you are! Yes, I'd love to visit your unregularly-meeting group sometime. I live in Philadelphia, so I'm definitely close enough for a visit. Let me know when you all are meeting next!
thanks for stopping by!