Sunday, April 25, 2010

Silence.

I stopped blogging when my dad--I call Superbob--was admitted into the hospital. He's been there for five weeks now, getting a stem cell transplant for lymphoma. It appears that all my blogging energy has been siphoned off to the silent, private vigil I'm holding for him inside my mind. I have lit a candle there, and it takes a lot to keep it burning; I find myself withdrawing from most of the aspects of my life that are not utterly necessary--social engagements, planning my family's summer activities, because I just want to spend time thinking about my dad, who lies in a hospital bed three thousand miles away, vomiting and trying to generate a new immune system. Maybe I'm trying to generate one for him.

Or maybe I'm just perpetuating the poison of closed adoption: to hide your wounds and scars and march forward.

When I tell people my dad is sick, they ask, "Which Dad?" Since I'm adopted, I have two dads. This question always throws me, because my instinct is to answer, "My real dad: the one who raised me."

6 comments:

daisy said...

am so sorry to hear this. your dad is in my thoughts.

Andrea said...

Thanks, Daisy! Because of all this family stuff, I'm not going to be able to go to the awesome adoption conference at MIT this weekend; are you still going? If so, will you please tell me all about it? Do you blog somewhere?
thanks again,
andrea

Lola Canola said...

Hey dear Andrea,
Thinking of you and of Superbob. I hope you're finding the fuel to keep the candle in your head going and that he's finding the fuel to re-stimulate that immune system.
xo
patty

GenovevaPer32669 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Golden Papaya said...

So sorry to hear about your dad, Andrea. It must be hard to be so far away. Will you get to go out and visit sometime soon?

Heather said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I'll be holding you and your family in my thoughts.