Wednesday, December 31, 2008


So I just finally finished my application for a grant for nonfiction writers who write about the desert. Not sure if I've mentioned that I'm a total desert junkie--used to be a ranger in the Grand Canyon and a wilderness guide in New Mexico and Arizona. So I think this grant is a really good fit for me.

I have a whole theory/hypothesis about the relationship between the Glen Canyon Dam and the Colorado River as a metaphor for the institution of closed adoption. But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.

I applied for this grant, and I'd really like to get it. I'd like to know that someone believes in my writing and my quest for identity enough to fund it, even just to throw a little bit of cash at it. So, wish me luck?

I always have a hard time with applications that are about me. (I'm great writing grants for things that have nothing to do with myself.) Something about tooting my own horn is excruciatingly difficult for me, and I end up moaning "I'm not worthy!" (a la Wayne and Garth) and crawling back under the covers for days. Luckily, if my husband's within earshot of this moaning, he might say "You are worthy! You're so worthy!" But sometimes he drops the ball and says "Your application looks pretty good." Like today. (Sorry, honey, but it stings.)

Can I just say, "pretty good" applications do not usually win the prize?

Anyone have any opinions about adoptees and self-confidence? Especially you adoptive moms out there? I sure wish I could shed this garment of underconfidence (like underwear--just take 'em off?) and get on with it.


Dawn said...

I don't have any thoughts about adoptees and self-confidence (since Madison is only 4.5 and she's awfully self-confident but then 4-year olds tend to be!) but I wanted to say how much I admire you going for the grant. I want to try to do that this year and am terrified.

The Grauke-Collins Experience said...

I'm sure that you've either seen this or someone has already forwarded it to you, but just in case...

"My Secret Life" NYTimes

Interesting op-ed from an adoptee, although as someone who has a need to know everything, I'm not sure that I would feel the same as this author, but I guess that's her point.

Hope California has been restful and you come back ready for battle (at least that's how I always think of it when I return).


Andrea said...

Hi, Dawn:
I'm very glad to hear that Madison is very self-confident. I hope it lasts! I'm sure with a super-aware mom like you, she'll be ahead of the curve.

What kinds of grants are you thinking of applying for? I'd be happy to take a look at them if you want another set of eyes...